Tiny Dictators come with Very Big Laws.
First Law of The Tiny Dictator’s Domain: Everything Shall Be Sticky. #tinydictators
Second Law of the Tiny Dictators: There shall never not be cereal on the floor – even if you do not have any cereal in the house. #tinydictators
Third Law of the Tiny Dictators: Thou shalt always be a knife’s edge away from The Plague. #tinydictators
Fourth Law of the Wee Tiny Dictator(s): And thou shalt know I walk amongst thee when my itty bitty footsteps resound throughout the sacred domicile. Yea, though I weigh but 27 pounds, my steps shall be heard as if from the mighty elephant, for I must let my faithful know I am present. #tinydictators
Fifth law of the Tiny Dictators: The soles of thy feet shalt never again be unsullied by bruises, for my tiny, brutal toys are omnipresent. #tinydictators
Sixth law of the Tiny Dictator: Infanticide is illegal. AAHHHhaha!!!! #tinydictators
Seventh law of the Tiny Dictator: I MUST HAVE THIS THING RIGHT NOW. No, now I want THAT thing right now! NO, give me the original thing which I still don’t want and am Quite Upset about. #tinydictators
Eighth law of the Tiny Dictator: EEEEAaaaa AAAHHHhaaaiiiiieeeeeeee!!! #tinydictators
Ninth Law of the Tiny Dictator: I have no idea what I am saying, but you had better fully understand me, or I will unleash upon you the full force of my shrieking wrath. #tinydictators
Tenth law of the Tiny Dictator: MINE!!!!!! #tinydictators
Eleventh Law of the Tiny Dictator: “Where are all of my spoons and kitchen towels?” 1.) *Whose* spoons and towels? 2.) Wouldn’t you like to know. #TinyDictators
Twelfth Law of the Tiny Dictator: Mine own sleep is sacred; yours can get fucked.
Thirteenth Law of the Tiny Dictator: Oh, you thought you were going to sleep in the one day you could? That is aDORable! No really – If my Tiny Hands could pinch your cheeks right now… well, I’d probably miss my target and claw your eyes out, but wouldn’t that be funny?!
Fourteenth Law of the Tiny Dictator: It matters not whether I am speaking of anthropomorphic ponies or mine hand slammed in a door – all communication will be made AT TOP VOLUME FOR GREATER EFFECT. #tinydictators
Fifteenth Law of the Tiny Dictator: They only call it the “Terrible Twos” because it alliterates. There are insufficient words in the adult human lexicon to describe Mine Own Wretchedness. I like to call it, “AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”
Sixteenth Law of the Tiny Dictator: And all thy mirrors and all thy windows shall be covered in my beautiful fingerprint smudges, for I know, deep in your heart, you wish to see only me when gazing upon your own visage or out upon the street. I AM OMNIPRESENT. #tinydictators
Seventeenth Law of the Tiny Dictator: It matters not how well you “hide” the markers; mine eyes will find them whilst you sleep. And lo, when you awaken, we shall both be covered in mine own glorious art! Bask, wretched mortal! Behold! #tinydictators
(OH!! And have you seen how I have redecorated your bedroom walls??!!)
Eighteenth Law of the Tiny Dictator: And no door shall remain unslammed. #tinydictators